Nov. 9 - Furnished Imagination
As mentioned in a previous entry, much of my research these days has focused on Francis Schaeffer and the L’Abri movement. On my trip to the office this morning, I queued up a broadcast from the 2019 L’Abri Nashville conference titled “Becoming Less Fragile: Self-control as Inner Dominion.” A great lecture by Sarah Chestnut, a worker from the L’Abri refuge in Southborough, Massachusetts, I got about ten minutes into it before I decided to save the rest for when I could take notes.
And take notes I did: five pages worth.
Though I jotted down a good many of the ideas present in this comprehensive hour-long lecture, one phrase stood out the most. In the first few minutes of the talk, Chestnut asks, “What is currently ‘furnishing your imagination’?” She explains this through an analogy of someone attempting to navigate a familiar room in the dark. By virtue of proprioception, you know how far the corner of the couch is from your front door. From here, you can easily guess when your knee will meet the sharp edge of your coffee table. In the sense of imagination, Chestnut explains that our furnishings are ‘the ideas, thoughts, and feelings that we move around unconsciously.’ The things that occupy our rooms are not mere decorations of the interior life; they are the things by which we navigate when the light goes out. What we entertain has consequences.
This concept alone is poised to fuel a wild brainstorm. But Sarah goes further and asks, “How are you inching toward glory in the government of your inner world?” I plan to brainstorm through these questions over the next week (perfectly timed for a planned social media break, to boot). At first thought, a few obvious pieces of furniture are sure to come to mind. Yet, it may be wiser to turn this question over for a couple days, really look for those rarely-seen dust bunnies and stray hair-ties laying about. What are my furniture pieces and how have I arranged them? What should stay and what’s hard to let go of? And how is any of this serving to inch me toward glory?
I recommend listening to Sarah Chestnut’s full talk in order to understand how to better address the answers to these questions. What I’m suggesting based on her ideas might be a tedious breakdown, but any self-awareness that may result won’t be something to regret. Despite fashionable movements towards mindfulness, our goldfish attention spans still do not reflect and contemplate half as much as they should. Besides, it’s probably good to know your decorating style.
Nov. 10 - Seventeen
I read way too much into my seventeenth birthday, but I only listened to one song for the majority of it. The morning of, I made sure to load onto my iPod a particular mp3 file I had ripped from YouTube via file2hd.com, my primary source for piracy. The file? “Winger - Seventeen.mp3”
Only nine years have passed since my graduation and I can’t remember where my locker was my senior year. In typing that sentence, I remember it. Located almost equi-distant from Mr. Child’s English class and Ms. Hart’s Spanish room, my locker boasted the largest bottle of hand sanitizer in school. I was a hypocritical germaphobe though, as three or so old bottles of Fusion surrounded my Germ X idol. Thankfully, I graduated out of drink hoarding that June as well.
The side door staircase that led up to my locker was a kind of runway, I remember. This is where everyone would see your outfit for the first time, where I’d force myself to wake up more, where the younger kids would flee from our ruthless senior pranks. Of course I needed the perfect playlist for my entrance. And what could be a more fitting anthem than to lead this milestone birthday with a song about it?
According to 80’s music, seventeen was a loaded age. So many songs glorify that final year before legal adulthood, many of them rather exploitively. But I didn’t register those layers. And so I made sure to queue up Winger’s “Seventeen”.
I think back on this once in a while, how funny and shortsighted it was for me to choose the fundamental “jailbait” anthem as my senior year empowerment song. Granted, I had a major crush on Kip Winger, who, by that time, was probably old enough to be my grandpa. Which probably makes it even worse, but I only concentrated on the lyric “she’s only seventeen”. Not all the “Her daddy says she’s too young but she’s old enough for me” stuff.
Now I approach my musical selections with a more balanced approach to lyrical content, relatability, and musical performance. But in that moment, walking up the stairs to my locker... I felt really friggin cool.
Nov. 11 - On iPhone Notes
Some people prefer to jot down thoughts in physical notebooks while others take the digital approach. I oscillate between the two. If I’m at church or a lecture, I prefer to write hard-copy. But for the day to day thoughts, I rely on the convenience of digital. Once in a while I like to carry the bare minimum of personal effects (cellphone with wallet case and keys) despite owning a purse that I paid more for than I’m willing to admit. There’s an ease to walking with your hands and shoulders free.
All conveniences are fraught with their own negatives, of course, and this means my notes are a mess. Some entries are old relic attempts at organization: “QUOTES” (last updated in 2018), “SCRIPTURES” (last updated even longer ago), “UNFINISHED SONGS” (I shudder to think what’s in there…), and “IN A FUNK? READ THIS” (this curated guidebook of sayings, verses, poems, and reminders still comes in handy).
There are a couple random documents that make me laugh, like this quote from Moriah while on vacation, “You can be hot and still get COVID. Tom Hanks proved that.” A list of exercises from a strength training session with Chris Noel back in 2018, as well as another set of exercises from a similar session with Vito Marchiolli in 2019. No 2020 trainer. Pandemic.
As I scan through, much of this is still important. I need these random questions, such as (in dramatic all-caps to relate the imperative), “What have I been given that I have not applied?” I’m still revising “The Good I Choose”, a poem I wrote in February, and even “How Soon Is Now?” from 2018. The work, both personal and professional, is never finished. And with a sixty-four gigabyte phone, it’s not like my notes are taking up that much space. Maybe I could clean them up, but that’s a task for another day. Better jot that down.
Nov. 12 - “What has God given you?”
Today, I interviewed one of the local volunteers I’ve been assigned to profile for this year’s community giving publication. This isn’t my first rodeo with reporting, but it is my pilot interview in a professional setting, so the stakes were slightly higher than they usually are.
Sitting in the church conference room, I listened as Lisa described the new ways in which the clergy are adapting the service structure to align with remote broadcasting. This week, she says, she emailed a question to all the parents for their kids to answer. The question? “What has God given you that you are thankful for?”I wrote that question down to note for my article, but also fully intending to answer it personally today. Seems like a broad dual question at first - What has God given me? Everything. What am I thankful for? Deeply, all of it. But it’s good to list a few specifics.
Tonight I noticed that I can see more of the city lights through my bedroom window than I could before, which startled me til I remembered the season. I’m thankful for the world that goes rhythmically on without my attention or participation. And I’m thankful for the joy that comes from new ways of seeing.
We have left spooky season and entered thankfulness season. Carl once told me that counting five things you are thankful for each day is a good practice, so maybe that’s what I’ll do. From now until Thanksgiving Day, I’ll list five things at the end of each entry that I’m thankful for. Gratefulness should be at the forefront of our minds all the time. But we get distracted. So here’s my latest poor attempt at paying attention. Thank God the world doesn’t need it.
Nov. 13 - Timing
I discover all my favorite television shows when I’m sick. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X Files, Felicity...there’s something about being physically incapacitated that really drags you into another world. When I discovered Twin Peaks during the winter of 2015, I was suffering from a horrific head cold. If I remember correctly, I binged the entire first season over the span of two congested late nights, huddled over a humidifier on a tray table.
By the time I’d finished the whole series, I watched the follow-up prequel film, Fire Walk With Me. All of the layered goodness that drew me into the mysterious town of Twin Peaks was dialed up to 11 in the prequel, along with the Lynchian absurdity I’d come to embrace as well. That’s when I came across Chris Isaak for the first time. Isaak plays Special Agent Chester Desmond, a character with a mysterious story arch that may or may not transcend time and space. I did some iMDB surfing for fun, saw he was also a famous musician, and moved on.
Of course his name has come up over the years: a reference in a song by The Whistles & The Bells, a passing character in the film That Thing You Do!, an appearance in Showtime’s 2017 revival Twin Peaks: The Return, and a smattering of comparisons to Roy Orbison. But for some reason, today of all days, I gave his music a listen. All thanks to a cover by lofi pop cover band Avocuddle. Strange.
Someone once told me that a person hears the Gospel an average of seven times before they truly begin to believe it. Is that the case with most things we dislike at first and grow to appreciate? I can imagine God taking amusement at the timing He’s ordained. How often does God answer our prayers with “Hey, not yet?” Rich Mullins once said that God takes joy in our joy, even our joy in simple pleasures like ice cream. And so I have to wonder if God pays attention to even the simplest of timings. Would I have liked “Wicked Game” less if I checked out Chris Isaak’s music in 2015? There’s no way of knowing. But I think God has us wait all the time, for big things and little things, and all for His glory and our good.